[ oda stays silent for a moment, his gaze set on his own lap. he thinks about what the man in the moustache told him ten years before.
you have the qualifications to write.
it feels like a knife stabbing into him. ]
Someone once told me that to write is to write about human lives. Back then... I was an assassin, killing without a second thought. But when that man talked to me—I felt like I wanted to do something for the first time. However, an assassin knows nothing about life...so I quit. I stopped killing and did what I could to become a good person, so I could be worthy of writing a novel.
[ oda chuckles, but there’s no humor behind it; it’s void of any emotion. ]
But I failed. I lost everything I had one day and all I want... all I want is revenge.
[ oda sighs. ]
Someone as despicable as me should never be allowed to write about life.
[ once everything is said and out in the open, shang qinghua's gaze also drifts down to his own lap. his words come out in a whisper as he tries to soak in everything that's been revealed to him. ]
To make you want revenge so badly that you would throw it all away, what did you lose?
[ he snaps his head up to regard oda with a look of muted surprise, the sound of faint awe in his voice. ]
This great tragedy weighs heavily on our hearts. But you . . . you do not see it? If this is true, you've already found what you're looking for. It sounds to me like, more than anyone else, you should write.
No matter how fantastical the world, there is reality in fiction. You say that you know nothing about life, yet how can that be? A man who doesn't understand the beauty of human life wouldn't be driven to the dark depths of seeking retribution. Those children's lives were cut viciously short, but they left you a gift more blessed than any other.
[ to be surrounded by and a part of the very human life he spent so long undermining. to feel the sting of loss. to experience life at its best and its worst, probably in such a short span of time for this pitiable man.
shang qinghua sighs. ]
You don't write to talk about others. As a writer, the reality in your words come from your heart. Sir, no matter what you were in the past, the life you lead now is incredibly human.
[ there's a sudden bitterness in oda's words, his gaze suddenly cold. it's more than obvious that what shang qinghua just said hurt him deeply, like salt on his wound. ]
I watched them be blown up in front of my eyes. I saw their corpses-- you think that's a gift? You think I'm blessed? Of course you'd be able to say that when you still have a family with you, real or not-- you know nothing about what I went through.
[ his entire face twitches, and he turns his head to both school his features and tear away from oda's cold gaze. an uncomfortably long silence settles between them before he all but croaks out: ]
I . . . I didn't mean to offend. This one spoke thoughtlessly.
[ as soon as oda looks away, shang qinghua makes a face. it's an awkward grimace that he quickly fixes into an expression of polite calm. ]
When you hold a pen, do no words come to mind at all? What you write down for the first time will not always be good. This is expected. What matters is that you write something, even if it doesn't make sense.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
you have the qualifications to write.
it feels like a knife stabbing into him. ]
Someone once told me that to write is to write about human lives. Back then... I was an assassin, killing without a second thought. But when that man talked to me—I felt like I wanted to do something for the first time. However, an assassin knows nothing about life...so I quit. I stopped killing and did what I could to become a good person, so I could be worthy of writing a novel.
[ oda chuckles, but there’s no humor behind it; it’s void of any emotion. ]
But I failed. I lost everything I had one day and all I want... all I want is revenge.
[ oda sighs. ]
Someone as despicable as me should never be allowed to write about life.
no subject
To make you want revenge so badly that you would throw it all away, what did you lose?
no subject
[ oda says this in an even tone— emotionless, even. ]
They were murdered.
no subject
This great tragedy weighs heavily on our hearts. But you . . . you do not see it? If this is true, you've already found what you're looking for. It sounds to me like, more than anyone else, you should write.
no subject
[ oda looks up at shang qinghua, eyes wide in confusion. shang qinghua might as well be speaking to him in latin. ]
What do you mean?
no subject
No matter how fantastical the world, there is reality in fiction. You say that you know nothing about life, yet how can that be? A man who doesn't understand the beauty of human life wouldn't be driven to the dark depths of seeking retribution. Those children's lives were cut viciously short, but they left you a gift more blessed than any other.
[ to be surrounded by and a part of the very human life he spent so long undermining. to feel the sting of loss. to experience life at its best and its worst, probably in such a short span of time for this pitiable man.
shang qinghua sighs. ]
You don't write to talk about others. As a writer, the reality in your words come from your heart. Sir, no matter what you were in the past, the life you lead now is incredibly human.
no subject
[ there's a sudden bitterness in oda's words, his gaze suddenly cold. it's more than obvious that what shang qinghua just said hurt him deeply, like salt on his wound. ]
I watched them be blown up in front of my eyes. I saw their corpses-- you think that's a gift? You think I'm blessed? Of course you'd be able to say that when you still have a family with you, real or not-- you know nothing about what I went through.
no subject
I . . . I didn't mean to offend. This one spoke thoughtlessly.
no subject
[ oda's gaze softens, but he immediately glances away out of shame for his own actions.
he's already messed this up, huh... ]
It's not your fault. [ oda sighs ] Maybe you're right, actually. I just...don't know how to do it--how to see it like that.
no subject
When you hold a pen, do no words come to mind at all? What you write down for the first time will not always be good. This is expected. What matters is that you write something, even if it doesn't make sense.
no subject
[ oda hesitates, still unable to look back at sqh ]
I had something I once wanted to write but...if I try now I can't think of anything. My mind becomes blank.
no subject
When I wrote, it was to vent my strong feelings at the time. A mind that's simply blank is . . .
[ he trails off, his head lowering before it snaps back up. ]
You need inspiration.